We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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