Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
