We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
