its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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