I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
