You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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