everyone is single if you try hard enough
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
