She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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