I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
