Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
