Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
