He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
