Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i permit you to call me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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