I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
