and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
