You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
