I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
