and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
