I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
