is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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