I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
