You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
