and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
