I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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