I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
