I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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