There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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