Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
