this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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