I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
