Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
