i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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