From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You've changed since you got that strap on
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