its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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