Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
