You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
