Me. At least after what I've been through.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Of course I have a pirate flag
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
