i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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