MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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