why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We just shotgunned beers for America
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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