Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
