ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
