I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
