I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
