Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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