I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
