i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
