Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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