OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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