it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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