I heard we made out
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
