why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
