ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
