ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
