So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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