I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
