i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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