so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
