But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
