dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
