I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
