yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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