youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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