Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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