I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
