Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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