cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
