My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
