You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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