Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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